Before I actually begin I would like to clarify a few things. I do not intend for everybody to identify themselves with the “we” that I’ll be talking about in this post. If only I find it more proper, I would instead refer to myself only as in “Why I Am Sad”. But I like to believe that I am not the only one who think and act like how I do towards people so I’m using “we”.
As much as I don’t wanna admit it, people like me suffer from constant sadness. One moment we could be really happy and playful the other we’ll be so depressed at even the most ridiculous things. Oh yes, I know what you could be thinking right now. We must have bipolar disorder. I don’t know. We can always find reason to believe things if we want to so I’m setting that aside. As of me, I think some people are just like us. And to make matters worse, very few people understand or take us seriously.
How I wish understanding us will come easy. How I wish will is enough to make people understand their peers but no, at least that’s what I believe. This, whatever you may call this is already ingrained to us. Knowing this does not only take a few scratches on the surface, it involves going deep almost being one with us, a whole new level of empathy. But while people cannot do that, I guess I could give reasons why we are sad.
We are sad because we are simple but the complexity of life makes everything ironic for us. Don’t laugh at those “corny” answers, they are all true. When somebody wants to just stay at home and watch the television with his friend or family than attend an awarding ceremony for them that’s true. When someone doesn’t care about being really rich and simply wants to get by with daily life, that’s true. When a famous person chooses to leave the lime light for solitude in the midst of his fame, he’s not out of his mind. They are only being simple, they want to be simple, they choose to be simple. But somehow simplicity is only for those who have remained simple and lucky they are if that’s what they prefer all their life. The sad reality for most of us is that our lives are full of situations that force us to be complex, to want to have more believing that that’s what it takes to get by. And indeed that’s what it takes to get by for most of us for we never had the chance to choose where to start. We wake up in this world already poor, or rich, or famous, or detested, or expected to be this or that, and more. And to add to all these, sometimes we only find out what we really want when we are already near our lives’ finish lines. When we are already there on top or some place higher compared to where we’ve been. When there’s no more turning back.
We are sad because we always consider the greater good. For some reason we just could not choose ourselves over others, no matter how much we wanted to do it at times. We are like martyrs. We do not mind if others don’t care about our sacrifices as long as things are alright. It’s easy to see us as people who always want to be superstars or the good guys, but the truth is, we are PAINFULLY just like that. It is always in our dreams to be careless in a crowd even just for a day but as far as we know that dream stays a dream. We can only be careless when we’re alone, when there’s surely no one who will get affected in any way. It’s easy to think that we are full of pretense but actually we are thinking that you’ll want us that way. We are always eager to let you know our true selves only we always hold ourselves back at the last minute. Most of the time we worry if it will be okay, if we will be understood, if you will care.
We are sad because we know that our ideas of happiness no matter how literally almost costless they are (in terms of money) are very difficult to achieve. A quiet time will not cost a cent if everybody in a household will be sensitive enough to tone down their voices a little. Beauty will not cost a cent if one is contented about herself and everybody has appreciation of the natural things. We know that the idea is utopian but knowing that could not stop one from thinking. We are guilty of looking down at things and people one way or another but that does not make us blind. It is another thing that makes us sad, we are stuck in constant battle with ourselves ’cause we always wanted to do what is right.
We are sad because we want people to stay the same or perhaps change but we never choose to keep or change them even if we could because that would be unfair. Because what is right is to let them be what they are.
We are sad because we are afraid to trust people. We are afraid to fully submit ourselves to others in fear that things might mean nothing for them like most of the people surrounding us. That makes us difficult I know, but we seriously never wanted anything more than having someone we could trust, someone we could trust to watch over us when a hard day ends and we just want a good sleep. We do not ask for someone perfect, we do not expect anyone to understand every single thing about us. Sometimes we just want company, perhaps a friend. Someone who can sincerely apologize. We are not difficult to please. All we search for is sincerity and we do not compete.
The next time you meet one of us, you might wanna say “Hi”. I cannot guarantee a reply but surely you will be remembered as the one who said hi. Somehow we want to believe that spontaneous greetings are always sincere. We have very good memories that I can say. It won’t matter how little a deed is as long as it’s sincere.
Sorry for that folks. I think I’m just at times crazy.
Originally posted here.
i. am. mark. 